I took
the picture above earlier today. I was going to an awkwardly early
'dinner thing' and took a picture of what I was wearing. I hadn't
eaten bread since yesterday morning, so I knew that that was the best
that dress was ever going to look. I snapped it, uploaded it and left
the house in order to begin the most tense, careful train journey
ever; honestly, I felt like I was in a fucking Vanish advert.
Also, FYI, I'm writing this on the train home after two large glasses of wine and several tiny plates of food (Hey, restaurants, fish skin is NOT a course. Neither is foam) so there will be typos, although probably no more than usual. Maybe there will be less, like how you're a super careful driver when you're drunk.
Also, FYI, I'm writing this on the train home after two large glasses of wine and several tiny plates of food (Hey, restaurants, fish skin is NOT a course. Neither is foam) so there will be typos, although probably no more than usual. Maybe there will be less, like how you're a super careful driver when you're drunk.
Just
kidding, drink driving is obviously wrong and I am not OK with
it.
If you know me, at all, you'll have probably heard me say that I hate having my photo taken. It actually makes me anxious. We had a 'picture day' at work about a month ago and I felt sick all day; it didn't help that the dress I was wearing, combined with my own physique, meant that I resembled a sofa in the final picture.
So, I will forgive you for pointing out, smugly, that there is a disparity between my camera shyness and what's going on over on my Instagram account.
I'm not going to get into what I think of selfies. I don't actually think about them that much,really. I'm fairly accepting of them. They're just pictures of people's faces; sometimes they show me the faces of people I want to see (I think that sounds a bit sweet, as if I'm talking about distant relatives who I haven't seen for ages. I'm not. I'm talking about people who are HOT.) and at other times they show me the faces of people who I don't want to see. That's fine. I see the faces of people I don't want to see every day.
I understand why people think that selfie-takers, like myself, are arrogant, I really do. However, in my case, a picture like this usually means that I'm feeling particularly low. I didn't take it because I, to use a favourite phrase of the Daily Mail, 'poured' myself into that dress, looked in the mirror and got all Tweet's Oops about myself (if you don't remember that song then you should, it was great), but I get why you would think that.
After giving the aforementioned picture some careful consideration earlier, whilst pretending to listen to someone talk about their new decking, I came to the conclusion that, more often that not, I post pictures of myself when I'm feeling blue. Blue about boys.
On Thursday night I went for some drinks after work and after a glass of wine, a shot of tequila and no lunch I was ready to TALK. I remember slurring to a work bud, whilst popping a squat in the smoking area outside the bar (all of the seats were wet and I really wanted to sit down), that one of the things that I dislike most about myself is that, sometimes, my sense of self-worth and value is totally dependent on what a boy thinks of me.
Not all of the time, mind. I can love 'em and leave 'em, take what I need, get mine, all of that stuff, when I need to. That's fine, I'm down with that. But, when I'm feeling rejected, I turn to Instagram, apparently.
It's kind of like a casual hook up, but quicker. Not always though, AM-I-RIGHT LADIES? It's also empty and usually leaves you feeling worse than you did before. The person you want to like it doesn't, he doesn't text you saying “You are so hot (as well as being intelligent, funny and kind) GET ON ME” instantly; you don't get the validation that you were looking for.
And then I'm filled with guilt. Feminist guilt. And then I dislike myself more. I had every Destiny's Child album, I watched Sex and the City when I was too young and I know that I don't need no man to complete me and I learned that “it's the relationship you have with yourself that's important” (I didn't learn that. That is NOT the message that Sex and the City propels, actually). I know all of this.
However, on days like this, when I feel like no one will ever fancy me again(auto correct just changed that to 'no one will ever fanny me again'. Still works, I suppose), I fluff me hair, relax my face and completely ignore it.
If you know me, at all, you'll have probably heard me say that I hate having my photo taken. It actually makes me anxious. We had a 'picture day' at work about a month ago and I felt sick all day; it didn't help that the dress I was wearing, combined with my own physique, meant that I resembled a sofa in the final picture.
So, I will forgive you for pointing out, smugly, that there is a disparity between my camera shyness and what's going on over on my Instagram account.
I'm not going to get into what I think of selfies. I don't actually think about them that much,really. I'm fairly accepting of them. They're just pictures of people's faces; sometimes they show me the faces of people I want to see (I think that sounds a bit sweet, as if I'm talking about distant relatives who I haven't seen for ages. I'm not. I'm talking about people who are HOT.) and at other times they show me the faces of people who I don't want to see. That's fine. I see the faces of people I don't want to see every day.
I understand why people think that selfie-takers, like myself, are arrogant, I really do. However, in my case, a picture like this usually means that I'm feeling particularly low. I didn't take it because I, to use a favourite phrase of the Daily Mail, 'poured' myself into that dress, looked in the mirror and got all Tweet's Oops about myself (if you don't remember that song then you should, it was great), but I get why you would think that.
After giving the aforementioned picture some careful consideration earlier, whilst pretending to listen to someone talk about their new decking, I came to the conclusion that, more often that not, I post pictures of myself when I'm feeling blue. Blue about boys.
On Thursday night I went for some drinks after work and after a glass of wine, a shot of tequila and no lunch I was ready to TALK. I remember slurring to a work bud, whilst popping a squat in the smoking area outside the bar (all of the seats were wet and I really wanted to sit down), that one of the things that I dislike most about myself is that, sometimes, my sense of self-worth and value is totally dependent on what a boy thinks of me.
Not all of the time, mind. I can love 'em and leave 'em, take what I need, get mine, all of that stuff, when I need to. That's fine, I'm down with that. But, when I'm feeling rejected, I turn to Instagram, apparently.
It's kind of like a casual hook up, but quicker. Not always though, AM-I-RIGHT LADIES? It's also empty and usually leaves you feeling worse than you did before. The person you want to like it doesn't, he doesn't text you saying “You are so hot (as well as being intelligent, funny and kind) GET ON ME” instantly; you don't get the validation that you were looking for.
And then I'm filled with guilt. Feminist guilt. And then I dislike myself more. I had every Destiny's Child album, I watched Sex and the City when I was too young and I know that I don't need no man to complete me and I learned that “it's the relationship you have with yourself that's important” (I didn't learn that. That is NOT the message that Sex and the City propels, actually). I know all of this.
However, on days like this, when I feel like no one will ever fancy me again(auto correct just changed that to 'no one will ever fanny me again'. Still works, I suppose), I fluff me hair, relax my face and completely ignore it.
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