Rumour mills are churning out the rather tiresome rumour
that there will be a ‘Triple Twist” during tonight’s launch show. Of course
there will be, there always is. The most shocking thing producers could do by
now is put the housemates in, fill ‘em up with cheap alcohol and leave them be.
But what if the twist is really original, creative and firework-inducing I hear
you cry? It’s a secret house.
The same kind of secret house they used in the last series of civilian BB AND last year’s CBB. The kind of secret house where housemates are smuggled in, told not to make a sound and are forced to spend their days watching events unfold in the main house. You know, the kind they always use?
The same kind of secret house they used in the last series of civilian BB AND last year’s CBB. The kind of secret house where housemates are smuggled in, told not to make a sound and are forced to spend their days watching events unfold in the main house. You know, the kind they always use?
I have a couple of problems with this.
1. What is the point of a secret house at the beginning of the show? Assuming the housemates are near-enough complete strangers and know nothing other than what they’ve read in the press about each other then what is there for the secret housemates to spy on? Unless Big Brother awkwardly crowbar some kind of task in which they lead the housemates discussion, the main housemates won’t talk about the secret housemates because honestly, how many times a day does a Z-list celeb crop up in your conversations?
The first few days in the house are notoriously quiet and polite and the main topics of conversation include unpacking, bed sharing and last night’s sleep. Maybe “Do you want any toast?” if they’re all getting on really well. So unless a secret housemate has a real hatred for certain breakfast foods (“I can’t believe you have Marmite on your toast you fucking dick! Stay away from me bro, I’m done with you. Done.”) then I can’t see any housemates walking into the house all guns blazing.
2. We’ve done this now BB, we really have. If I was going into the house I would expect that at some point one of my fellow housemates would see me bitching about them (Yes, I’d be that type of housemate) because they’d been hiding in a secret room for three days.
To be fair to producers, I did think that the ‘Secrets and Lies’ theme of this year’s civilian BB was a good move. Not because it was particularly groundbreaking but more because it provided producers with a get-out clause if a twist was twisting in a way that they didn’t like; if they had pissed off viewers or were about to lose someone too early they could wade in and say “It was a lie guys! We take it back!” Who knows whether they’ll stick with this or re-package it as another theme, but with viewing figures waning every series, I wouldn’t blame them.
I can’t really be bothered to discuss most of the possible housemates for this years run; we all saw them pop up in the tabloids a month ago so I wouldn’t be saying anything new, however what I WILL say is that if rape-rapping Chris Fountain-Phantom goes in there I will flip a bloody lid. I’m all for misunderstood, controversial or disgraced celebrities risking what’s left of their careers to go into the house and have a chance to change our opinions of them (Michael Barrymore anyone?) but anyone trivially mentioning that they’ll “rape a bitch on her birthday” mid song, as well of a bunch of other shit that screams “I’m not just a middle class white male actor, I’m a rapper and I can trivialise the mistreatment of women just like Jeezy, take me seriously!”, has already made my mind up and I really don’t think watching them don a body condom and get electric shocks in the arse will change it.
So, let’s bring out the housemates!
1. What is the point of a secret house at the beginning of the show? Assuming the housemates are near-enough complete strangers and know nothing other than what they’ve read in the press about each other then what is there for the secret housemates to spy on? Unless Big Brother awkwardly crowbar some kind of task in which they lead the housemates discussion, the main housemates won’t talk about the secret housemates because honestly, how many times a day does a Z-list celeb crop up in your conversations?
The first few days in the house are notoriously quiet and polite and the main topics of conversation include unpacking, bed sharing and last night’s sleep. Maybe “Do you want any toast?” if they’re all getting on really well. So unless a secret housemate has a real hatred for certain breakfast foods (“I can’t believe you have Marmite on your toast you fucking dick! Stay away from me bro, I’m done with you. Done.”) then I can’t see any housemates walking into the house all guns blazing.
2. We’ve done this now BB, we really have. If I was going into the house I would expect that at some point one of my fellow housemates would see me bitching about them (Yes, I’d be that type of housemate) because they’d been hiding in a secret room for three days.
To be fair to producers, I did think that the ‘Secrets and Lies’ theme of this year’s civilian BB was a good move. Not because it was particularly groundbreaking but more because it provided producers with a get-out clause if a twist was twisting in a way that they didn’t like; if they had pissed off viewers or were about to lose someone too early they could wade in and say “It was a lie guys! We take it back!” Who knows whether they’ll stick with this or re-package it as another theme, but with viewing figures waning every series, I wouldn’t blame them.
I can’t really be bothered to discuss most of the possible housemates for this years run; we all saw them pop up in the tabloids a month ago so I wouldn’t be saying anything new, however what I WILL say is that if rape-rapping Chris Fountain-Phantom goes in there I will flip a bloody lid. I’m all for misunderstood, controversial or disgraced celebrities risking what’s left of their careers to go into the house and have a chance to change our opinions of them (Michael Barrymore anyone?) but anyone trivially mentioning that they’ll “rape a bitch on her birthday” mid song, as well of a bunch of other shit that screams “I’m not just a middle class white male actor, I’m a rapper and I can trivialise the mistreatment of women just like Jeezy, take me seriously!”, has already made my mind up and I really don’t think watching them don a body condom and get electric shocks in the arse will change it.
So, let’s bring out the housemates!
Unless they’re Chris Fountain.
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