My Top Awkward-Number of Moments in...Made In Chelsea!

If the week in which the early risers of Twitter (and fellow Daily Mail Sidebar of Shame addicts) have already been confronted (or tackled, GET IT?) with the sight of Spencer Matthews' semi erect penis is not the perfect time to share my favourite Made In Chelsea moments then, honestly, I don't know when is.
So sit back, awkwardly try to appear relaxed about something that you care very much about (Lucy Watson style) and relive my Top Awkward-Number of Made In Chelsea moments with me.

1. “Your mask looks like a knob on your face.”
This is the moment in which Rosie and Amber (remember her? The “jewelry designer?”) gives Francis and Fredericko a right telling off for their treatment of P.A/Bond girl Agne. The boys, determined not to let a woman come between them, agreed that they would both date Agne and in doing so assuming that she lacks the two things that could foil this in genius plan; a memory and free will.
Frances unwisely decides to bite back, declaring Rosie a “gossip vigilante”, making her sound all noble and stuff rather than accurately describing her as the suspiciously flat-haired smug cow that she is. His efforts are in vain and Rosie scoffs back “Your mask looks like you have a knob on your face.”
It did, it really did.

2. Kimberly's Comeuppance
Ah, Kimberly, she was the girl that all the boys wanted to be with and all the girls wanted to be-at. She went for pancakes with Jamie, drinks with Spencer and to Italy with Richard (the creator of that magic bracelet thing). However, her greatest moment came at Jamie's Scottish Reeling party.
After crossing Cheska and Binky with her choice of suitor one too many times, Kimberly is brought face to face with her ex boyfriend Diego (no, he did not swagger in wearing spurs and tipping his hat), who revealed that he was not as much of an ex as Kimberly wanted the male residents of Chelsea to believe.
Why has this made it into my Top Awkward-Number of Made In Chelsea Moments? Kimberly's face. It's the exact face that EVERYONE who has ever unexpectedly bumped into their ex has pulled, some of us more than others...
At this point, Kimberly does what any independent, strong, mature young woman would do in that situation. She strops off, leaving Cheska practically orgasming with delight.

2. G-Day for Gabriella and Ollie
To be honest, any moment featuring Gabriella was toe-curlingly good, even her Proactiv ads that were crow-barred into every ad break for the duration of the third series, because she was so delightfully unaware of herself.
If Gabriella and Ollie's dinner time conversation topics of concealer, false lashes and the scientific art of hair shininess didn't hint that there was trouble in fabulous paradise, Ollie's visible despair at Gabriella crashing his birthday skiing trip really gave the gay-me away.
Well, it did to all of us who aren't Gabriella. Cue an awkward conversation on the rooftop garden at Ollie's flat (why do Chelsea break ups always happen at such suicide-friendly locations? See Moment 6...). “I don't know how I feel...towards guys and girls”, at which point, in you were watching in 3D, Gabriella's eyes leave the screen and press you against the sofa, leaving you damp with tears and eye goo.

4. “He looks like a chubby baker boy.”
Prior to The Slap their was The Sartorial Slap; both courtesy of the gone but not forgotten Millie Mackintosh.
As Chelsea's resident Lothario, I would have expected Spencer to be more well practiced in the correct post-break up etiquette.
Rule #3729- If you've just dumped a girl on a bridge, avoid any outlandish outfits. Her friends will be looking for any opportunity to verbally assassinate you. Blend in guys, blend in.
Pairing a jumper that looks like it's made from an Marks & Spencer's throw with a tan flat cap, Spencer was like a cosy sitting duck.

5. Verbier/ Furby-yeah?
Er, where?
Although the whole series might as well have been set there, no one actually seems to know the exact location of Furby-yeah; the mythical land of cut-out swimsuits, hot tubs and infidelity.
Turns out, it's a ski resort in Switzerland. 
It was in Furby-yeah that we discover that, like pregnant women, Jamie Laing should stay away from hot tubs, as we are still seeing the repercussions of his splashing about in the present series; Phoebe fucking Lettuce.

6. Splouise go splat.
A strong contender for the most awkward break up ever (my own personal experiences not included), rivaled perhaps only by Ziggy and Chanel of Big Brother fame, is the slow, painful demise of Spencer and Louise.
I can only assume that prior to Spencer and Louise's meeting, one of Spencer's pesky friends has grabbed his copy of Breaking Up For Dummies and scrawled words like 'don't' into lines such as “Act respectfully”, as what followed really is a shining example of how not to break up with someone. Especially if you're on a bridge.
Dropping lines like “It's fucking hard to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you” and “You're going to go home after this and cry your fucking eyes out and I hope you do!” Spencer really was asking for the slap that Louise threw at him. Unfortunately, she missed, only for the job to be completed later in the series by Millie.
I have to say, the whole thing would have been much more convincing if Spencer hadn't been grinning like a fucking Cheshire cat throughout.

And there we have it, my Top Awkward-Number of Made In Chelsea Moments. Honorable mentions must go to Gabbalicious, Louise throwing a napkin at Spencer (Why? When there were knives, forks and glasses to hand?), Francis' interns, Millie throwing a drink at Hugo, Millie slapping Spencer and Francis' portrait.
If I'm missing an under-rated Made In Chelsea moment, let me know!